Nights Like This

Nights like this remind me of how much I hate that I don't change and nothing changes around me.

I'm still always alone.

I'm still questioning if God answers, or heck, even listens to peoples prayers.

I'm still wondering if I'm doing the right thing in almost every decision in my life. I feel like I can't do anything right for anyone... least of all myself.

I'm still stuck in the same spot I was two years ago.

I'm still feeling so hopeless about the future.

I'm still hurting others even if they don't know it. I'm breaking promises they try to make me keep. Why would they take away the only thing that makes things better?

I'm still standing still here when I wish I could just run away from everything.

I'm still pushing off things I should be doing, but am not.

I'm still standing on the line of what everyone wants me to be/expects me to be and what I want to be. I lean niether one way or the other... I just do enough to try and please both sides. And it sucks.

I'm still alone with my knowledge that pills and consoling don't solve my problems... A few perscriptions don't make the world better again. They take away your money for some expensive, un-tasty brain candies that make things worse.

I'm still screaming through my music, trying to see if anyone will get it.

I'm still a messed up little girl getting more screwed up in this big hopeless world.

Nights like this make me want to curl up and be left alone, yet have someone freakin' get it. I hate nights like this.