Two Faced

I am tired of all this noise that doesn't do anything but frustrate me.

The noise of girls crying out for a prince without wanting to put any work into finding one. Of guys who can't pull themselves together to face themselves. I am tiered of having people that lean on me, yet having no one to return the favor.

I'm tiered of feeling left behind and useless as my guy friends serve missions. I'm tiered of going through everything alone and being so alone in everything. I smile, I laugh, I make jokes... and sometimes, I just want to drop this stupid mask of giggles and scream, scream, and scream.

I shouldn't have gotten so dependant on people who where never mine to keep anyway.

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"Every angel has a demon,

Every coin has two sides,

And every person chooses,

Which face they show,

and which one they hide."

--J.M. Stetson

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I hate you.

You're fake.

Flawed.

Useless.

You try to make everyone happy,

Yet only cause more pain.

I hate you.

You can only smile,

laugh,

giggle.

It's sickening,

The way you let people see you.

And I hate you.

I hate everything about you.

So flawed.

You don't even know what you want in life.

So happy.

You don't ever frown in any situation.

So fake.

Nobody sees you at your darkest point.

And therefore...

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate that this reflection,

Shows us what we really are.

Fake.

Flawed.

Useless.

And as I look you in the eyes,

And your eyes look yourself in the eyes,

Tell me...

If you don't like what you see,

Why don't you change us?

The answer always leaves a bitter taste in our mouth.

Because there is nothing else we could fake as well as happiness.

--J.M. Stetson

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Obviously, I just don't like myself, yet can't find another person to be other than what I am. Someone once said, "Don't like your life? Burn it to ashes, start again." How so? With a new job? A new place? I'm not sure...

But I hope to find a way to start again soon.