Forever and Ever

Isn't it funny how those who deny it the most get married first?

Two of my Theatre classmates from High School are by now officially married forever and ever.

Why does this make me laugh and feel sad all at once? I'm not close to either of these people, neither am I probably going to see them again... I don't wish them bad luck with their new found forever love, but why does this all make me cringe than?

Well, I could say that maybe because these two now married people where denying getting married the most. One said she had commitment issues. If she was together with someone longer than three months she would freak out. The other said she was too head strong, selfish, and spoke of how when you reach twenty years old, all your opinions change.

Now, both nineteen, married, and are happily on their honeymoons.

So maybe it's me being a cynic, the part of me that says "true love" doesn't exist and that it's all in every one's head that they've found love... even though I have a boyfriend.

Mm... maybe that's why.

Maybe because I think everything ends sooner or later, love especially... and maybe because marriage kind of scares me...

...Forever is a REALLY long time.

No, not even that forever is really long... well, it's part of it, but not all of it.

Maybe why I turn my head at the thought of marriage, picket white fences, a house with a yard and dog and 2.5 kids is because I honestly and truly think I'll never find someone who could live and deal with me for forever.

Sure, people like to think that'll happen... but let's face it, I'm sure at least one of my friends who've found "true love" will get divorced, heck, it could even be me... so why not think of the worst and pray for the best?

I don't say "hope" for the best, because "hope" easily makes you forget "think of the worst", but "pray" lets you imagine for a few seconds before you start your busy day or sleep for the night.

Sometimes, I like to think I'll get married. That I'll find someone who knows everything about me and can still be with me in knowing so... and that the same guy will allow me the honor of knowing him just as well.

Sometimes, I like to think I'll have kids with this same guy, and they'll look just like him, or me, or us.

Sometimes, I like to think I'll have a job, kids, friends, and a husband... and be able to fulfill all separate categories together into one lifestyle.

Sometimes, I like to think I'll grow old, watch my kids with theirs and find peace in knowing that I've lived a full life with my husband by my side.

But after all this daydreaming, I know what'll probably happen: A short life of troubles, disappointment, and multiple heart aces.

So to my newly married ex-theatre classmates... I hope your new found forever partners are not just an act of love that you portrayed so well on stage, but that you've found the "real deal" that either I myself haven't been sure of yet or that I don't believe in.