Judges are for Courtrooms: Part Two

A lot of people say I'm not judgemental, and after pointing this out, they always ask why.

Well, I'm not really sure of why. Who knows? Maybe because I've been judged so much myself, and maybe because I hate it, or maybe because I know how sometimes, you don't need people to judge you... you just need them to understand or at least be impartial.

A lot of people say, "Oh, if I tell you this, you'll never think of me the same..." Well, I've heard of a lot stories that people thought made them terrible, but really, if that didn't happen, they might be completely different from who they are now that I like so much. After all, life is about learning from success and failures alike, so who am I to judge a lesson that's been learned or is being learned?

Most of the people who tell me about these "terrible" stories are generally amazing people. They might have slipped up with sex, drugs, alcohol and other various "crimes", but really? Who am I to say they're terrible, great, or wrong?

Judges belong in courtrooms, not on the street, bus, work, or in any friendship. People can do things that push you away, but honestly, most people who I don't talk to anymore, I still wish them well.

Again, who am I to judge them?

A lot of judging can come from just looking a person up and down... if their appearance is nice, they must be nice as well, right? I find this theory greatly flawed. Many of the homeless people I meet on the bus are very kind. Old men I meet at work say I have a great smile, and even the cashier at Smith's always tells me I look like Miley Cyrus with Demi Lavato's smile. (unfortunately, I have yet to tell him I find this more of an insult than a compliment)

However, with all of these situations, most of these people aren't what most of society calls "appearance appropriate". The homeless guy smells and looks grungy, the old man is in pajamas in the middle of the day, and the cashier has long greasy hair. However, I still consider them some of the nicest people anyone could meet.

I once got solicited by a guy covered in tattoos. His arms, knuckles, and neck where full of inked designs... yet he was looking for a donation to learn to become a tattoo artist through an organization. He told me he got judged a lot because of the patterns now forever etched into his skin and how sometimes it made getting donations hard... but I told him I completely understood and now I have a year subscription for a movie magazine and he's that much closer to his dream.

I get judged a lot more than I realize sometimes. A few days ago, after hanging out with a friend who's family knows me, he told me that every time I come over, one of his family members always comments on how "emo" I look.

I don't know why it's still in my head, over three days later, and why I kinda feel a ping of pain in my heart and how my chest feels heavier after remembering this, but all of this happens when recalling his words and his family members judgement.

I guess it makes me wonder why even though this person knows me, I'm still judged on my physical appearance. It's almost like they don't seem to know me at all. Just the girl with thick black eyeliner and heavy mascara... but why should I be judged on something so little as that? Something as simple and changeable as a physical appearance?

It shouldn't surprise me, however. A lot of people tell me how pretty I am... if only I didn't wear such dark make up... in which leads to them telling me to lighten it up and show my "pretty face". Well, why should I change to meet any one's standards but my own? If I like it, why should anyone else's opinion matter?

So when I hear that some one's getting married "too young", or so-and-so is going inactive, or what's-his-face had sex, I don't really get surprised. I might voice my opinion to them once, but after that, I'm done. They don't need my yelling, opinion, or condemnation set upon them, because they're doing just what everyone else is doing...

...They're doing what they think is right, and as long as they're doing that... than really, that's all that matters.

So that's why I've decided to try not to judge too harshly, to try to accept people as who they are and who they become. I'm not saying you have to be friends with everyone, but at least know they're just like you in doing what they think they should be doing, what they think is right.

So leave the law and judging to those who have been appointed and trained to do so. For everyone else who wants a ear to listen, a brain to comprehend, a shoulder to lean on, and an open heart to understand...

Come talk to me.

"Whenever you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself." --Wayne Dyer