It's One of Those Nights

It's one of those nights where I feel so alone.

I changed my birth date on my Facebook so I wouldn't receive any "Happy Birthday's!" on my wall, and to see who actually remembers and not just see the notification.

Well, I'm proud to say that not one of my friends remembered. Granted, one's on his mission, but even an ex friend wished me well.

I laugh at the irony.

Usually, I hold my friends at a higher priority than my family, because to me, they are my family.

Nice to know it's the same for them to me.

Now, I'm in a fight with the closest person to me and I just want to understand what's going on. I don't know why I hurt so much, but I do. The very reason that I hurt this much over one person scares me.

I thought I was making things better, but only made them so much worse, apparently. As such, I guess I'm just like a pair of two left shoes: I can be dealt with only for so long before I'm tossed away and traded in for a new pair.

I'm so tired of the loneliness.

I'm tired of doing what I think is right, just for everyone to say what I'm doing is wrong. I'm tired of everyone telling me what to do, yet cursing me when I do what they told me to do. I'm sick of trying to make my own path like everyone tells me, just to have them yell when I stray from theirs.

So, it's one of those nights. Those nights where the loneliness of having no one fills over me and everything feels a bit colder.

Right now, the song "You Could be Happy" by Snow Patrol is on repeat and I'm trying to blur out the reality that lies at the end of the song.

And people wonder why I hate my birthday so.

Maybe because it's always so lonely.

Happy Birthday, me.

Happy birthday wishers:
Amber
Cole
Kayla
Carissa
Jeff
Stacey
Mom
Dad
Courtney
Connor
Brandon
Adrian

People I almost wish would've remembered:
Cody
Rachael
Marissa
Sarah
Alexandra
Mitch