Venting Post: You.

I hate how you never trust me. I've told you everything but one secret that NOBODY knows. You haven't told me anything about you that I can say that makes me know you better than any one else. I hate this.

I hate how you can talk about a life without me, when I don't know what I'll do when that time comes.

I hate how right now, you only care about yourself. I smile, but you know I'm not okay. I laugh, but you know I'm doing it so you don't have to witness the tears. I'm tired of having to wear a mask, so I don't shatter you.

I hate that when you're about to break, I can't do anything but leave you alone and wear the mask of fake happiness or of indifference. I hate how you won't let me help you in any way. You won't tell me what's wrong, even if I'm the problem, and you won't let me into your world. I'm tired of this game we said we'd stop playing... the game of no trust. Apparently, I was the only one to quit this game.

I hate how the only person I can call to talk to about anything is you. I hate that you won't do the same.

I hate how you push me away, pull me in close again, and push me away again. The never ending cycle of my slow demise. It's like slapping someone, kissing it better, than slapping them again. I hurt so much. You care so little.

I hate how the only reason I've EVER cried for good or bad in the past two months was because of you... not like you know, and as for right now, not like you would care.

I hate that I'm compared to other people to you. Because so-and-so did this, I guess I will too. Again, this trust thing is freaking hurting me.

I hate that I can't break through your stupid mask. I'm about to scream to the heavens and give up on a mission that I don't think ANYONE will be able to complete. I hope you realise one day, even if not with me, nobody will know YOU until you give them a crack in your mask to let them see you.

I hate how you know so much about me. A mask I carefully made is pretty much just shards on the ground. I'm pretty much naked in front of you, no barriers or guards on anything about me. I hate that you don't even see that.

I hate how you make me feel so freaking venerable.

I hate that you've pulled up emotions and thoughts I thought I had buried completely away for forever.

I hate that I don't want to let you go, but you're slipping from my reach anyway.

I think you're leaving.

I think you're happy.

I think I'm crying.

I think I can't handle this alone anymore.

I think I need to make a move, or forever be drowned in these games of hurt and comfort.

--HOW I FEEL IN LYRICS AND POEMS---

"Please come now,
I think I'm falling,
Holding on to what
I think is safe...
Hold me now.
I'm six feet from the edge
and I'm thinking,
Maybe six feet,
Ain't so far down. "
--One Last Breath by Creed

"You're always mine to hold, but never mine to keep,
I'm always by your side, but never within reach."
--J.M. Stetson

‎"You push away my sun's rays, you stay away from your inner light...
but if I become like you, can I at least stay by your side?"
-J.M. Stetson

"You could be happy,
I hope you are.
You've made me happier than I've been by far.
And somehow everything I own, smells of you...
Without me there to hold you back,
Don't think just do...
More than anything I want to see you go,
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world."
--You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol

"Darkness, darkness everywhere,
Do you feel alone? ...
You don't see what you posses,
A beauty calm and clear...
All the light that you posses,
Is skewd by lakes and seas,
Shattered surfface,
So imperfect,
Darling, you believe?"
You are the Moon by The Hush Sound

For You, I hope you will be happy, or will be one day... even if I can't make it so.