Late Night Inspiration

I'm really angry (if you couldn't tell from the previous post) and so I felt inspired to write and this is what came of it. I'm warning you now, none of them are long and don't really connect, but I just needed to let my feelings out and this is how I dealt with them. They're emo, dark, and depressing, so enjoy (or not) the venom.

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BLURRED
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Her life is a blur,
Of colors,
Of sound,
Of people.
They come,
They go.
They always leave her alone.

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MARIONETTE
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Friends and family, pressuring her,
Making her feel like a stringed doll.
She always felt, as if she where,
Always sooner or later, going to fall.

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NIGHTMARES
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When you're five and have a nightmare,
When you wake up,
The bad guys disappear.
When you're an adult and have a nightmare,
When you wake up,
The bad guys are actually real.

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UNDERSTAND
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It's only because
Your life is so perfect,
That you say mine will be good.
But when the time comes,
When you feel the world is falling,
You'll than have wished you understood.

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WRONG
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I’m numb, emotionless, and can’t feel a thing,
Not even the warmth that this summer night brings.
I once flew along clouds with such zing,
But now all that’s left are these broken sad wings.

You once made me laugh; you once made me smile,
You once even made me think life was worthwhile.

I was never perfect, and that was okay.
You taught me how to love myself anyway.
I laughed, I danced, I sang, I grinned,
Knowing I would never feel that way again.

I used to love life, I used to be strong,
Thanks now for proving me wrong.
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Dear Life:

I am angry with you. You never do anything I want to. You never make my wishes and dreams come true. You always find a way to screw something up when I tried so hard to get it in the first place. I'm tired of being left alone with nothing to show for the hard work I put into getting there in the first place. I'm tired of having nothing at the end of the day but another scratch on the surface. Please, leave me the heck alone. From this point on, consider yourself fired, hated, and eliminated.

Love and dynamite,

Janaye.

Emo Time

It was emo time. That time of the night where you just want to look crazy. So, I ratted my hair, put on MORE emo eye make up and did dark emo lips. My roommate Becky than came home and let me make her into a goth girl, and she did the dark eyes and black lip stick. We where pretty awesome lookin' as you can see.



I'm a happy/crazy emo!



Happy emo and goth girls!



The real depressed emo/goth girls. :'(

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Thanks for joining emo time! :D

I Made Something Pretty

So in my last post I talked about how I had dinner with Brandon and his family, so here's some of the thank you letter I wrote to his family, I'm only posting it because it's pretty and I spent some time on it and thougth it came out good... even though half the sequins will probably fall off... Oh well. :)



This is the back of the envelope, the front has somewhat the same pattern...



And this is the front of the letter I wrote. Yes? No? Good or bad? Let me know. :)

Pot Roast Sunday's

Tonight I had dinner at Brandon’s house, a Sunday dinner with most of his family. His sister Jessica, her husband Cody and their son Amman. His soon-to-be-engaged sister Tera and her soon-to-be-fiancé Scott, his parents and of course, Brandon.

It reminded me of when we used to have Shawna and sometimes Christina come up for Sunday dinner. We’d have the traditional pot roast and Carissa would complain, Kayla and I would set the table and mom would be busy buzzing around the stove.

Maybe I’m recalling it better than it really was, but I realized that tonight, I missed when we used to do this. When Sunday was the family, eight or ten chairs around the table, four kids at the bar stools and one in the high chair or sleeping in the play pen. It made me miss seeing my nieces and nephews and being able to play with them and see how big they where getting.

Heck, I even miss The Sound of Music and Saturday’s Warriors. That’s how much I’m willing to have just one more pot roast Sunday. I miss Stacey having us try to guess “What movie?!” And then turning around to make herself look like she was making out with someone. How that’s The Sound of Music in that one action alone, I will never know.

I miss saying Cole is Jimmy from Saturday’s Warrior while singing that stupid song to him, all of us taking a different chorus. I even miss playing card games like nertz and speed. Heck, I’ll even say I miss playing that stupid golf card game that we all so badly sucked at. (Most of the time). I just miss my family, I miss being close with everyone and knowing how everyone is doing. Having smiles and laughter spring around the house and everyone trying to get a turn to talk. I miss the stupid fights of who sits where and who was the chillin’s favorite aunt.

It’s sad that we’re not so close, nobody really calls to see how anyone is doing and so on and so forth, but for tonight, I could pretend that Brandon’s family was mine, back when I was in Jr. High, when things were less complicated and the family was still close and important. When having mom burn the roast was funny and picking at the food before it was placed on the table and not being caught. (or being caught and being screwed)

Heck, I’ll even say I miss washing dishes and singing church songs and the Piano Man song as we took our duties of sweeping, clearing, washing, and putting away. I miss dancing around the house because we didn’t care and having Shawna be the best/worst dancer of all. (Sorry Shawna, dancing to Celine Deion in the 90’s was cool, dancing to Piano Man with moves from the 90’s… not so much…) :o)

I miss sitting and talking or just listening or watching Anika and Courtney run away from Isaac, who was so slow and unsteady that he was always two minutes too late following them around the entry level of the house. I miss playing hide and seek from the kids, scaring them and chasing them away. I miss going to bed early because all the cool and fun people left and we were so full, it didn’t matter anyway.

And yeah, I’m sure I’m forgetting the fights, the angry arguments that lead to leaving early and whatever else, but for tonight, I got to remember those amazing memories of having a family again.

I miss pot-roast Sunday's.

Catch Me

Sometimes, you just hear a song, and it makes you just feel happy or at least calm. This is one of those songs. It's called "Catch Me" By Demi Lavato, so go buy it because I want to.
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CATCH ME

Before I fall too fast
Kiss me quick
But make it last
So I can see how badly this will hurt me
When you say good bye

Keep it sweet
Keep it slow
Let the future pass
And dont let go
But tonight I could fall too soon into this beautiful moonlight

But your so hypnotising
You got me laughing while I sing
You got me similing in my sleep
And I can see this unravling
And your love is where im falling
But please dont catch me

See this heart
Wont settle down
Like a child running scared from a clown
I'm terrified of what you'll do
my stomach screams just when I look at you

Run far away
So I can breath
Even though your far from suffocating me
I can't set my hopes to high
Cuz every hello ends with a goodbye

But your so hypnotising
You've got me laughing while I sing
You've got me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unravling
Your love is where im falling
But please dont catch me

So now you see
Why I'm scared
I cant open up my heart without a care
But here I go
Its what I feel
But for the first time in my life I know its real

But you're so hypnotising
You've got me laghing while I sing
You've get me smiling in my sleep
And I can see this unravling
And your love is where im falling
So please don't catch me

And if this is love
Please don't break me
I'm giving up
So just catch me

Goals

Six Months From Now
September 24th, 2010
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5) Know what I want to major in for Spring Semester.
4) Take a drawing class.
3) Do well in my drawing class.
2) Have money.
1) Have my Halloween Costume (or most of it)
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One Year From Now
April 24th, 2011
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5) Be in School
4) Have a job still/a new one.
3) Have/Be acting in a play.
2) Taken a vacation.
1) Do good in school.
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Five Years From Now
April 24th, 2015
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5) Have finished school.
4) Have a real job from said schooling.
3) Finally have a vehicle.
2) Still be in touch with my best friends from Jr. High and High School.
1) Have my own house/apartment.
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Just some thoughts on goals I have in mind, just so I can remind myself what direction I'm going in... Some guidelines. Some rules to my own life. What are yours?