Rules of Thugs

So, I found this list online called "Rules of Thugs" and thought it was so awesome (mainly, because I follow these rules) that I needed to post them on my blog. Here ya go.

RULES OF THUGS

Rule 1: Greetings

The act of warning an opponent consists of attacking and/or destroying a non-vital area on that enemy's person. Losing an arm is the equivalent of someone walking up to you and saying, "Yo, let's rumble." Losing an eye is a little more insulting than that if only due to the fact that in the universal language of thugs, its value as a greeting almost always translates to something along the lines of, "Hi there. I could've killed ya just now, ya stupid moron."

Rule 2: Priorities

To a thug, dying isn't considered as big a tragedy as running out of beer. The logic behind this ordering of priorities is as follows: if you're dead, you definitely don't need anymore beer. But if you're out of beer, obviously, you need more beer. Hence, the tragedy.

Rule 3: The High Road

Thuggery has no discrimination based on physical appearances. If a toy poodle beats up a Rottweiler, it's because the toy poodle is more thug than the Rottweiler, no matter how freakin' ridiculous toy poodles look.

Rule 4: Goin' Old School

An eye for an eye is perfectly valid, unless you can get an ear instead. Because while eye-patches look cool, a guy walkin' around with only one ear is freakin' hilarious. And a great story.

Rule 5: Honor

The difference between killing and murdering is whether or not you can look the other guy in the eye as he dies. Make sure you know his name.

Rule 6: Categories

Calling a fellow mate "Idiot" means you like him (in a manly way).

Calling an outsider "idiot" means you might like him. Or you're gonna cut his eye out by way of greeting, depending on whether he took your beer or not.

Calling an enemy "idiot" is a sign to your fellow mates that you're gonna beat the crap outta the idiot. Your idiot friends will accordingly position themselves around the room so that the enemies idiot friends (other idiots) won't try to screw with you while you mess up (or get messed up by) that first idiot. Capiche?

Rule 7: Women

Don't hit 'em. Unless they hit you first, and even when they do, don't hit 'em in the face. 'Cuz as big a jerk as she is for hittin' you first, it's 100 guaranteed that her face is better lookin' than yours, ya ugly moron.

If she hits you in the balls it's a different story altogether.

Rule 8: Daily Life

Do what makes you happy—some jerk could kill you tomorrow, and then what?

Rule 9: Battle

Never interfere in someone else's fight. Sometimes dying just happens.

Rule 10: Stories

Brag freely... But back that stuff up.

Rule 11: Pride

Fight for your own sake—it's always more fun if you can smile and mean it when you draw your weapon.

Rule 12: Training

You can sit around practicing how you're gonna hit fake, stationary targets all day if you want, but the best way to test your own ability will always be going out and fighting.

Whether you walk away or not is always a great place to start working from.

Rule 13. Paperwork

All you really gotta do for an acceptable report is write your name, who you killed, what time ya killed them at, and where. If the report needs to include any sort of explanation as to why you lost, don't bother sendin' it in, Everyone already knows and is in the process of figurin' out a way to make you pay for it, ya freakin' eyesore.

Rule 14: Family

Family has nothing to do with blood.

Family is the guy who elbowed you in the gut, planted your face into a pile of dirt and dislodged three of your molars while you drop-kicked him across the yard, broke his nose, and bruised his ribs- all right before he gave you a hand up and you leaned on one another as you stumbled towards the mess hall together, because you both suddenly remembered that it's your guys' night to set the table for dinner and you don't want anyone to catch you slacking.

Rule 15: Death

When you die, make sure you look the guy who beat you right in the face and tell him your name.

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Okay, so obviously, these aren't the EXACT rules I follow, but their close. ;) anyway, I thought it was funny, yet kind of bittersweet at the same time. THUGS FOR LIFE!!

ANIME BANZAI!!!!!

Okay, so this happened during the second weekend in October, but I'm only posting it now because I've been SO busy and SO stressed... and it's going to be (for the first time in a while) a HAPPY post, as well as SUPA LONG!

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FIRST!! Definitions! You'll need these to understand half the post. :)

Anime (Anne-eh-may): Japanese cartoons.

Manga (Mon-ga): Japanese comic books.

Cosplay (cause-play): When a person dress up like their favorite anime characters.

Cosplayers (cause-play-ers): A person/people in cosplay.

Bleach (Be-leech): The anime/manga we cosplayed from.

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Next, maybe you should know what Anime Banzai is. Basically, it's a geek party. Kind of like Comic Con, but with Anime. They have a lot of events, anime watching, a gaming room, performances done by cosplayers, and a lot, a lot, a LOT of other stuff. Plus, they had this HUGE FREAKIN' ROOM dedicated to buying AMAZING stuff! (It was bigger than a high school gym with too much I wanted to buy...)
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So I'm not that big into anime, but I have a friend (Joel) who is. So he convinced me and Brandon to go to Anime Banzai because he heard Brandon and I where dressing up as our favorite anime characters anyway. :) So we already had the costumes (AND OUR SWORDS!!) and decided to go. :) :) :)

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IT WAS A BLAST!!!!!!!!!!!
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When me and Brandon got there, we where surprised. We'd never been to an Anime Convention and it was huge with tons of geeks like us! Unfortunately, however, Brandon and I aren't the biggest Anime watchers. (We've only watched the anime our characters where from) so we didn't get a lot of cool geeking out over other cosplayers.

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But dang did people freak out about us.
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First, let me give you a description of who we went as.

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In our show, Bleach, there is the lead good guy and lead good girl. The guy is named Ichigo Kurosaki and the girl is Rukia Kuchiki. Both have swords and fight and are awesomely hard core. Ichigo is over a foot taller than Rukia and (mainly) everyone and their dog wants them to become a couple before the series end.

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So just guess how many people thought it was so cute how we walked around holding hands. (A lot) and the fact that everyone told us that we looked just like them made them freak out even more.

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Let's just say I felt like we were famous and had a million paparazzi!! We were stopped every five steps to have a picture taken of us. A lot of the people thought it was "So cute!" that we where actually dating because a lot of people want Ichigo and Rukia to get together by the series end. (Me included!!)

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Anyway, Brandon and I quickly learned that in order to get from one end of the hall to another, we would have to leave a half hour before our pre-determined arrival.

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Seriously, we probably have 300+ people with pictures of us on their cameras in two days and being there for six hours each day. It was pure craziness. (But fun craziness)

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So the shopping center (known as the Dealers Room) was full of amazing anime merchandise, cosplay, and some Japanese snacks. I splurged and bought a messenger bag with my character on it because it was awesome and Brandon bought me a wallet with one of my favorite boy characters. (Not the one he was cosplaying, sadly. Haha!)

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Actually, we just bought a lot.

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Our favorite snacks: A soda drink called Ramene'. (Rah-mah-nah) and they had way cool flavors like strawberry, (our favorite) melon, (meh) clear, (ew) and a few others. Our favorite snacks where Hi-Chews, Hello Pandas, and I don't know what they're called, but they're FREAKIN' AMAZING!!! They're salty rice crackers with frosting on them and I'm freakin' addicted... I almost cry myself to sleep because I ate all of mine... )': (Hehe, just kiddin'!)

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Basically, we just had fun and enjoyed walking around, being famous, and having a blast. :) At the time, I was so tired of pictures, but now I kinda miss being so famous. :) But I was glad I went and had so much fun, some people even said they did a double take on me because they though she'd actually come to life. (I was very proud of that statement)
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SO, now it's time for pictures. I'll show a few of our characters so you can compare them to us on how alike (or not) we look like them. I don't really have any full length ones (most of the ones with just me and Brandon where taken by me) and so the ones I have are with other people from our show.
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ENJOY!

Rukia Kuchiki, the person I cosplayed. She is short with black hair, a stray bang across her face, and purple eyes. I wanted a picture with her sword, because I have it too. :)

Sorry for the back light! I had to take it myself and the other ones I took were not so good! :( But you can see my purple contacts in the other pictures. :D

Ichigo Kurosaki, the lead man Brandon cosplayed. Through a series of events, he gets that amazing mask. I wanted this picture because not only does it show the sword Brandon carried around (It's taller than me!) BUT the mask he made, which Brandon has in some pictures.

One of the two pictures I have of Brandon alone. Don't worry, there's lots with both of us. :)

Brandon's mask + my purple eyes = awesome. Pure awesome.

Us fighting... a lot like our characters in our show. :)

Although the anime characters we portray are very serious, we, however, are not. :P
The hilts of our swords... and my purple eyes again. :) I'm very proud of them. :)
I'm standing on tip toe to see Brandon eye to eye... hehe...
Brandon and I posing with others who cosplayed from our show. Brandon's sword is touching the ground and mine has a 4 1/2 long ribbon on it... it looks awesome when I spin it. :)
Oops, I put up a picture with this Cosplayer's eyes closed... eh-hehe... Oh well, we still look cool at least. :D
More cosplayers from our show, and our awesome outfits all revealed. :) I plan to take a photo shoot in mine and Brandon might too if he wants. :)
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Well, there's the most of it! I could tell you more, but that would lead to this blog post being five times longer. :) Let me know what you thought of my nerd party and all my crazy pictures!!

Denial

I just told you something and you just totally denied all of it, though it is true... at least from what I know. Are you a doctor with a degree and many years of experiance?

Freakin' no you are not.

I feel hurt. I feel like a flicker of a candel that tried so long and hard to burn just got blown out.

I feel empty, I guess. Annoyed is my next feeling.

I don't want to admit it, but hurt is one of the strongest emotions right now.

The crying chart is doing better, even if I'm not.

Like I said, it's time to rebuild that mask of stone and ice.

Broken Thoughts

I laugh at the horrible things in life because if I take it seriously, it just might break me.
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Sometimes, I wish I had someone to tell everything about myself to. Than I remember how much hurt it just causes in the end.
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I don't think I'll ever be able to tell one person everything.
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I love Halloween more than Christmas because unlike Christmas, I'm not forced to be cheery. That, and Christmas is too much retail, not enough thought/pondering.
--
I honestly and completely think I'll live alone for the rest of my life. I will always be Janaye Mary Stetson and that by it's self. It's not that I wouldn't like to get married, but the fact that I honestly don't think someone could handle me for "forever", let alone I'd be able to tell one person everything without them walking away.
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I always expect the worst, so I don't have to have crushed hope... yet somewhere deep in my mind, I hope for the best... which always leads to me getting crushes me anyway.
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I honestly don't think true love exists.
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Out of the four days on my "No Crying Chart", I'm at a fifty-fifty split.
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I didn't smile at work for a half hour. I think I had every supervisor ask if I was okay and every other employee ask what was wrong. I slip my mask off for a half hour and everyone notices. I know I should be proud of my sham, but I am.
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I don't think poetry about happiness or love is made with real emotion... every time I read it, it always feels so fake.
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I get re-pissed when I think about the stupidity of my Kindergarten to Senior years of school.
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Sorcerers Apprentice sucked.
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I want to edit so bad, yet can't.
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I would love to be a make-up artist.
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I get such high standards put to me. Go to college, get all A's, get an amazing job. When I fail at these, the expectations and hopes people have in me decrease dramatically. Go to a trade school, pass the classes, get an okay job.
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I wish I could be an actress. I told one person this, and she told me they would make me a porn star. I realized this could be true, and I now curse the world and movie industry that half the women on the big screen are there for eye candy.
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I can't say anything at mom's house. I either get lectured or make her break into tears.
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I found a way I can avoid all of life's problems: Die young. Unfortunately, this is not my first option.
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I sometimes wish my friends could see through my stupid fake smiles, but I have to remind myself about the last time they saw I had emotion other than happiness.
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Sometimes I wonder why everyone can loads of emotions but me.
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I hate being happy when someone else is whining over something so little. 'I really don't care if you lost your gum, I am freakin' dealing with more than just gum.'
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I don't see why people ask me for money. I get $7.50 an hour at work and have to pay $275 for rent, food, and a $60 phone bill. Why the heck are you asking me for money when you live at home and have a job???
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I hate how my emotions are so two-faced. One is the genuine happy and hyper one. This is the one I have around people. Alone, however, I am completely different.
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I didn't realize how much I cried until I started this calender. I realized while making it, that I've cried 5/7 days every week this month. Either I'm too emotional or I have too much crap.
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I miss Marissa. We used to be so close, and now I don't think she really cares. I understand, she has a life, I don't.
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I miss Mitch so freakin' bad. We also used to be close, and now he blows me off like I'm nothing. I think that hurts almost more than anything I've ever known.
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I smile, because it's easier than explaining why I'm sad.
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I don't think Brandon loves me anymore.
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-Songs-

"Time stands still.
Pictures fade to black.
Feeling the chill,
Love is tearing up my back...
I know that you must agree,
The real possiblity,
Of you and me,
Will slip right through my fingers..."
-Condition of Desperation by Randy Porter

"Breathe in, breathe out.
Tell me all of your doubts.
Everybody bleeds this way,
Just the same...
If everyone goes away,
I will stay.
We push and pull.
And I fall down sometimes.
And I'm not letting go..."
-Breathe In Breath Out by Mat Kearney

"What do you do,
When you're life's a disaster,
And you're moving faster,
And it's getting harder to breathe?"
-Decipher Reflections from Reality by PlayRadioPlay!

Jealous

Four men fell in love with her.
One got to keep her heart.
All four had a chance with her,
Three fell apart.
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The first, her high school sweetheart,
Was with her for five years.
The two were quite happy,
But it all ended in tears.
---
While crossing the street,
She ran ahead and smiled back at him.
He ran to her, but didn’t see,
The bus that ended him.
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The diamond on her finger,
Felt heavy and so cold.
As his last breath, he told her,
To keep growing old.
---
Four men fell in love with her.
One got to keep her heart.
All four had a chance with her,
Three fell apart.
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The second man, her dealer,
Gave her drugs to drown the pain.
She lost her first love and found solace,
In speed and Novocain.
---
And just one night, so close to dying,
She asked him for some more.
He shook his head, turned away,
And left her screaming at his door.
---
They started living together,
And she quit the drugs.
They built a house and a life,
And she thought she again found love.
---
But once again, fate came down,
And took her love again away.
He had done some unforgivable crimes,
And was now to die the next day.
---
So before the cop inserted the needle,
That was to take his life,
He looked her in the eyes,
As the injection stole his sight.
---
Alone again, she swore to herself,
That love can never again happen.
But who would’ve known
What terrible cycle that she was trapped in.
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Four men fell in love with her.
One got to keep her heart.
All four had a chance with her,
Three fell apart.
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He had hair the color of fire,
And a personality to match.
But the mutual friendships of the two,
Was soon to be detached.
---
One night he confesses,
His feelings aren’t just friendly.
And she can only respond with,
That she too love him romantically.
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But he had tuberculosis
And he was on his last leg of life,
So humbly he asked her,
To please become his wife.
---
She knew that taking his ring,
So different from the first,
Wasn’t just a marriage proposal,
But to be by his side as he faced the worst.
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So the two finally wed,
And lived well for a while.
Until he ended up in a hospital bed,
And died with a smile.
---
Alone again, but smiling now,
She knew she was going to fly.
For she had kissed her husband,
And had his disease to die.
---
So when a man in black,
Comes to her to have her say farewell,
She laughs at his statement,
And says she knows his face well.
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“You drove the bus, into the man who loved me first.
You stood in the room, when they killed the second.
You kissed the third into death, at the hospital.
Now you’re here for me, for I’ve always known that I was never alone.”
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Humbled by her speech,
Death tells her to be calm.
He then takes her hand and runs,
His fingers down her palm.
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“The first, the second, the third,
Will I ever see them?”
She asks with a pure question,
So close to being dead.
---

Half angered, half amused,
Death shakes his head no.
How could she not understand,
That he was a jealous soul?
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She smiles and dies within his arms,
Her body is now empty.
He stands and takes her hand in his,
And together start their journey.
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Four men fell in love with her.
One got to keep her heart.
All four had a chance with her,
Three fell apart.

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I wasn't creative, I read a story (10,000+ words long) online and it inspired me to write a poem (-1,000 words long) about it. If you want, I will email you the AMAZING story that I find so angst-y, yet so amazing (though I ruined the end for you) if you like. Just let me know and I'll send it off.

Also, this kind of sucked, because I wrote it at three in the morning... and couldn't think of a title for it, so it's simply known as "Jealous".

Obvious Lies

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“Is he important to you?”

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“Yes he is, very much so.”

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“Awh, that’s cute. Has he ever hurt you?”

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“He doesn’t know it, but yes, he has, many times.”

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“Are you okay, even after all of that?”
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“Yeah, I’m fine.”

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“No you’re not, your heart’s all messed up. Too bad too, it was a good one.”

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Why don’t people ever notice that? When your heart gets all screwed up and broken, stitched back together, and shattered again? Why can’t people look past the fake and crummy smiles and all the stupid laughs that were never real? Is it really hard to notice when someone’s smile doesn’t reach their eyes or their laugh sounds forced, fake, or hollow?

Am I that hard to read? When I apologize for something that I never should’ve had to, do I sound sincere? When I laugh off a trouble, do I sound happy? When I smile at you, do I look ecstatic?

It may be because I’m going through a depression stage, or so I assume, but I feel so fake. I feel so forced. Everything is planned down to the very smile. Because to many people that I know, Janaye can’t be sad. Janaye can’t get angry over stupid things. Janaye can’t act girly in the slightest, or it is not Janaye.

I can’t remember what’s me and what’s fake anymore… I feel like I am only myself alone, where I don’t have any emotions at all.

I guess it’s time to start building up walls that allows no one to tear them down. I guess it’s time to lock up something that was once so free. I guess it’s time to start re-thinking about a life that will always remain Janaye Mary Stetson and that alone.

Yes, Brandon and I are still together. No, I don’t know how much longer I can keep strong under this weight of all this pressure.

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“Are you troubled?”

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“No, I’m fine, really.”

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“Is that so? You have a lot going against you.”
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“I can handle it.”

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“I don’t think you can, but I don’t think anyone you know can help.”

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“That’s probably true, but I’ll keep smiling anyway.”
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“That’s too bad, because soon your smiles will just all be fake and forced with no meaning behind

them.”

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“Yeah, I know.”

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I tried reaching out to someone for help. I tried finding someone to vent to.


Too bad I couldn’t find anyone.

I’ve made a chart, a calendar/chart of sorts. It’s for how many days I go without crying. Whether it be alone in my room, the stockrooms at work, or anywhere else for that matter.

Let’s see how long that lasts.

Some people say crying is good, but I find this a lie. Its weakness, and I can’t be weak anymore. I have to re-construct a mask of flawless happiness. I have to find a way to keep fooling everyone that I’m okay, when I so obviously am not. I need to make this mask out of cement, crushed dreams and false hopes.

Crying only creates cracks in this mask, letting others find ways to pry into it to see the ugliness
behind. Once they see how shattered everything is, they leave anyway, so why bother?

In fact, I think the only place that get’s weakness from me is my blog. Here is where I vent. Here is where I keep my emotions in place and in check.

So sorry, my family, that I’m so depressing here, I promise I am not so with Skype and phone calls. Sorry friends, if this doesn’t seem like me at all, but it doesn’t matter anyway.

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“Your heart’s all broken up.”

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“Mm… so it is.”
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“You don’t care?”

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“Not anymore, no, I don’t really care.”

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“That’s too bad; it was a really good one when it was whole.”

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“I guess it was.”
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“Yes, it was.”

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Why doesn't anybody press for the obvious instead of staying satisfied with lies?

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My feelings in songs:

“Have you ever hated yourself for staring at the phone?
Your whole life waiting on that ring to prove that you’re not alone…
It’s only half past the point of oblivion.
The hour glass on the table,
The walk before the run.
The breath before the kiss,
And the fear before the break,
Have you ever felt this way?”
--Glitter in the Air by P!nk

“Is it you I want?
Or just the notion of?
A heart to wrap around so I can find a way around…
We are never sad ‘cause we are not allowed to be.
Rain, rain, go away,
Come again another day,
All the world is waiting for the sun.”
--Rain by Breaking Benjamin

“Okay, I win.
You finally lost me.
You’re letting me go,
I’m walking away.
No fight, no fight.
Still falling apart.
I can’t get you out of my heart.”
--I Win by Abra Moore

“God won’t talk to me.
I guess she’s pretty busy lately.
But I like to believe,
She’s listening.
I’m starting to feel,
All of my bruises imagined are real.”
--A Beautiful Life by Lindsay Lohan

MY SONG RIGHT NOW:

"Watch her rise above the wreakage.
See her fly through glass...
Don't waste your beautiful, beautiful life.
Down here...
Graceful arms, bent and broken,
Where meant for something more.
Twisted bodies,
Surrender for the last time.
People, angels,
To bring the sun down on this world.
Surrender for the last time.
(Watch her rise above the wreakage)
Surrender for the last time."
--Above the Wreakage by Dishwalla

Venting Post: You.

I hate how you never trust me. I've told you everything but one secret that NOBODY knows. You haven't told me anything about you that I can say that makes me know you better than any one else. I hate this.

I hate how you can talk about a life without me, when I don't know what I'll do when that time comes.

I hate how right now, you only care about yourself. I smile, but you know I'm not okay. I laugh, but you know I'm doing it so you don't have to witness the tears. I'm tired of having to wear a mask, so I don't shatter you.

I hate that when you're about to break, I can't do anything but leave you alone and wear the mask of fake happiness or of indifference. I hate how you won't let me help you in any way. You won't tell me what's wrong, even if I'm the problem, and you won't let me into your world. I'm tired of this game we said we'd stop playing... the game of no trust. Apparently, I was the only one to quit this game.

I hate how the only person I can call to talk to about anything is you. I hate that you won't do the same.

I hate how you push me away, pull me in close again, and push me away again. The never ending cycle of my slow demise. It's like slapping someone, kissing it better, than slapping them again. I hurt so much. You care so little.

I hate how the only reason I've EVER cried for good or bad in the past two months was because of you... not like you know, and as for right now, not like you would care.

I hate that I'm compared to other people to you. Because so-and-so did this, I guess I will too. Again, this trust thing is freaking hurting me.

I hate that I can't break through your stupid mask. I'm about to scream to the heavens and give up on a mission that I don't think ANYONE will be able to complete. I hope you realise one day, even if not with me, nobody will know YOU until you give them a crack in your mask to let them see you.

I hate how you know so much about me. A mask I carefully made is pretty much just shards on the ground. I'm pretty much naked in front of you, no barriers or guards on anything about me. I hate that you don't even see that.

I hate how you make me feel so freaking venerable.

I hate that you've pulled up emotions and thoughts I thought I had buried completely away for forever.

I hate that I don't want to let you go, but you're slipping from my reach anyway.

I think you're leaving.

I think you're happy.

I think I'm crying.

I think I can't handle this alone anymore.

I think I need to make a move, or forever be drowned in these games of hurt and comfort.

--HOW I FEEL IN LYRICS AND POEMS---

"Please come now,
I think I'm falling,
Holding on to what
I think is safe...
Hold me now.
I'm six feet from the edge
and I'm thinking,
Maybe six feet,
Ain't so far down. "
--One Last Breath by Creed

"You're always mine to hold, but never mine to keep,
I'm always by your side, but never within reach."
--J.M. Stetson

‎"You push away my sun's rays, you stay away from your inner light...
but if I become like you, can I at least stay by your side?"
-J.M. Stetson

"You could be happy,
I hope you are.
You've made me happier than I've been by far.
And somehow everything I own, smells of you...
Without me there to hold you back,
Don't think just do...
More than anything I want to see you go,
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world."
--You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol

"Darkness, darkness everywhere,
Do you feel alone? ...
You don't see what you posses,
A beauty calm and clear...
All the light that you posses,
Is skewd by lakes and seas,
Shattered surfface,
So imperfect,
Darling, you believe?"
You are the Moon by The Hush Sound

For You, I hope you will be happy, or will be one day... even if I can't make it so.