Bored.

It's spring break, and what am I doing?

Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I'm bored out of my mind. I have nothing to do because I'm stuck in Ogden with no friends and no job. I have nothing to do but literally waste my life. I wish I was doing something fun. On vacation or chilling with friends. But no, instead, I sit on my butt, looking at the opposing wall trying to think of a way to be intertaining.

I'm lonely, nobody talks to me, ever. Mom's always busy, Stacey never answers her phone and nobody else calls me. Heck, why would they? I wouldn't... I would have nothing to talk to myself about.

I guess this is just my pity party, but I think I deserve one. I don't have money to spend so it's not like I can even go out and have fun. I'd have to walk or bus it there anyway, and my roommates tend to get worried when I walk around at one in the morning. But honestly, what else is there to do?

I literally have NOTHING. Mom says to find a job, but does she realize it took me about five months to get the one I had? Now, I'm stuck with nothing, nothing but popsicals and grief of the boredom that has become my existance.

I'm tiered of being me. I wish I was someone new and exciting, I wish I could BECOME someone new and exciting, but that's easier said than done. Instead, I'm left alone in an apartment that has now become a cage. Maybe I'll just get some sleep aids and sleep away spring break. I have nothing better to do, so why not just sleep it away?

I wish I had something to be busy about. Being in a sport. a play, something I could have to make me forget about the rest of my life. That would be so grand. But alas, there is no such thing. I have NOTHING. How many times must I say this? NOTHING. No one to talk to or do things with. Everyone else has a life and I'm just trying to find a reason to keep being awake for mine. Sleep sounds good, not eternal, just until monday.

My friends are in Centerville, and I wish I was too. Anywhere but here. I wish I had friends. Good friends up here in Ogden, but I guess I'm meant to be lonely or something... I've tried making friends and look where that's landed me. Empy names and meanings.

I'm lonely, I'm bored, and those two alone are painful enough without all this noise in my life. I'm now being censored on what I even write on facebook, mom says no more emo status's. Why not? They're fun. They kinda make me feel better because it makes me realize someone can put what I feel into words. Besides, let's face it. We all can't be a bright little ray of sunshine 24 hours. Maybe I'll just delete the facebook account anyway...

I just wish there was a little vile of magic potion that would make me have friends, and people who care about me. I'm tiered of feeling left out and alone, of being bored and ignored. I'm tiered of being me. I have nothing, nothing that isn't already broken or slipping away.

People complain about their jobs and work, well at least they HAVE something. Something to keep them occupied and something to give them a little pocket change. I have NOTHING. When people do call and ask what I've been up to, I can't tell them anything. I haven't been up to anything. Then they tell me the wonders of their lives, the friends they have and the jobs they hold, and I get jealous. So maybe it's a good thing nobody keeps in contact with me.

I'll just crawl back into my shell, stay there until I feel better or healed, which might take a while, but hey, like anyone would even notice.

---

Song for the day- Everytime It Rains by Charlotte Martin

Everytime it rains, I listen to the sky,
I wonder what's so great about sunsine.
So everybody lives, and everybody dies,
And no one's gonna love you like I do.

When it was getting dark I, didn't need a match
I never need light to see you.

You thought I disapear but,
I was always here, I could never get that far from you.
I've misunderstand, and been misunderstood,
So love me 'cause you can, and not because you should...

Everytime it rains,
I know it's good to be alive.
And everytime it rains,
I know I'm trying to survive.

So take it as it comes,
And take me as I am.
I never was a good imposter,
Well I know how to dream,
But don't know where I stand.
I'm willing to admit I tried too hard.
Stop playing with my heart,
I'm waiting by the phone,
Afraid to be myself,
Afraid to be alone.

Well everytime it rains,
I know it's good to be alive.
And everytime it rains.
I know I'm trying to survive.

And everytime it rains,
I'm gonna hide myself inside.

I know it's good to be alive.
I know it's good to be alive.
I know it's good to be alive.

Everytime it rains,
I know it's good to be alive.
Everytime it rains,
I know I'm trying to survive.

Everytime it rains,
Everytime it rains,
Everytime it rains,
Everytime it rains...

---

Buy her song on iTunes or listen to it on youtube.com. Either way, I love this song, it's my sad day song and right now it's just on repeat.

May your lives not be half as boring as mine...

"And she turns up the music to drown out her life..."