YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL, BUT...
They told her, "You're beautiful, but the dark eyeliner makes you look emo."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but your clothes are too dark, you look gothic."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but you're not as skinny as you used to be."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but you're too sarcastic, it makes you seem mean."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but you're hardly ever happy, you're too depressed."
He told her, "You're beautiful."
She asks, "But..."
He looks confused. "But what?"
She's puzzled. "But what makes me still ugly? What do I have to change?"
He smiles. "You're beautiful, nothing about you has to change."
---
--
-
ALTERNATE ENDING
-
--
---
They told her, "You're beautiful, but the dark eyeliner makes you look emo."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but you're clothes are too dark, you look gothic."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but you're not as skinny as you used to be."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but you're too sarcastic, it makes you seem mean."
They told her, "You're beautiful, but you're hardly ever happy, you're too depressed."
So she looses the dark liner.
So she looses the dark clothes.
So she looses the weight.
So she looses the sarcasm.
So she looses the sadness.
So she looses herself.
So while she's smiling when she wants to cry,
So while she's being nice when she thought of a good comeback,
So while she's refusing another cookie even though she wants ten more,
So while she's wearing pink when she'd rather wear black,
So while she's applying nice eyeshadow when she'd rather have a black eyeliner pen in hand,
She questions, "Why wasn't I beautiful before?"
---
--
---
So which do you like better? The first one is shorter, less reptitive, the last one is kinda reptitive, but more likely to happen. ;) It's kinda based on me, both of them, loosely, but still there. I also had another of the same thing (the intro of "You're beautiful, but...") But she gives reasons of why she likes what she does/why she does it. But, I thought you guys would have enough of that intro of "You're beautiful, but..."
Let me know which one you like better, why, and any advice on if I could make them better. Ta ta!
3 comments:
Ok I loved them!!! If I had to pick a favorite though, I would choose the first. I love the self analysis in the second one. . . . but right now I am totally into romance and the first one is about as romantic as you can get in my opinion. Besides it is how I want you to be. I want you to know that you are beautiful. I don't want you to wear pink, and eye shadow, and lose weight (that you don't have!) etc. If you change because you want to, that's fine. But, sista you need to know you are beautiful the way you are. PERIOD!
Janaye, I agree with Christina. And, also you are Beautiful and there is nothing wrong with Black (clothes or eyeliner) it is my second favorite color (dark purple being the first). Anyways, I love reading your poems, you are so lucky that you have this artistic outlet and aren't afraid to share it with others! Peace out lady ;)
I'm with Christina. I like the first one the best! I'm a hopeless romantic and the ending of that one just makes me want to give a big old happy sigh. I absolutely love the poem! Don't change a thing!
Post a Comment