I've come up with a new phrase. It's called "Sad day Nay". When I'm having a sad/angry day, it's a "Sad day Nay" day.
Today is one of those days.
I'm bored, my laptop is out for two weeks and I'm bored. You have to realize, my laptop is almost everything. It's my communication, my telivision, my iPod, and my creativity. I have dozens of short stories and poems on it, and now they're gone for two weeks and may never come back. That also really sucks, because a lot of pictures are on there that I won't be able to get back if it really is dead.
So, I guess it's just going to be a Sad day Nay week and a half. Great. It's really killing me. I can't write as fast as I type so sometimes I don't know what to do because I can't even write how I feel. (Oh yeah, it doubled as a journal too... great.) So I'm at loss. I can't do anything. I have no money, no laptop, and no life. Fan-freaking-tastic.
So, I read some of my old journals, and I found some poems in there. Here are the ones I liked:
---
--
-
INSULTS ARE SHARPER THAN KNIVES
She sits in a corner,
Alone and afraid.
What woes will trouble her today?
Her shout is not heard,
Nor her story be said.
She stops trying,
And her message is dead.
Darkness is around her,
The light is far gone,
But she is still hurt,
But those who are hatefully wrong.
People have cut her,
With the insults they've held,
She hurts herself,
With the darkness she's inhaled.
Someone is next to her,
And they've brought friends.
Each with their own cuts,
That have started to mend.
The more they where with each other,
The more it felt like home.
Not all the cuts where gone,
But at least they were not alone.
MY OWN
Tear me apart,
Break my heart,
Leave me alone,
I'll get up on my own.
Twisting my words,
Killing my mind,
Stealing my soul,
My story untold.
You do not own me anymore.
JOURNALS
Bookmark on a page,
Black against white.
Myself against me,
My relfection comes to life.
My nightmare haunts me now,
I've got to face myself somehow.
---
--
-
Yeah, I was depressing, even in 10th grade.
So, sorry roommates, if I'm moody and mad. Sorry friends if I'm emo and depressed. Sorry family... kinda.
But yeah, I'm also getting rid of the people who make me mad. So to another, "used to be friend of mine":
Good bye. I'm sorry I was annoying and stupid and never said or did anything right. I'm sorry I cared about you to ask how you where doing. I'm sorry I was only your friend because I was your boyfriend's friend. I'm sorry I made you angry. I'm sorry I thought you where a good friend, because obviously, you're not. I'm sorry I texted you to let you know I cared about you. I'm sorry I invited you to hang out and that's the only time you would respond back. I'm sorry I was so annoying to you. I'm sorry all I did was make you angry. I'm sorry that I'm sad that I'm losing you, when I should be glad I don't have to deal with your fake niceness to me. I'm sorry you where hardly ever nice to me, even if it was fake. I'm sorry you where so mean to me and I took it instead of speaking my mind. I'm sorry I'm bashing on you so much right now, but it's just been bottled up since I met you. I'm sorry I can't be good enough to actually reach out and talk to. I'm sorry you don't even freakin' care. I'm sorry I DID care. I'm sorry I tried to revive something that never was alive, our friendship. I'm sorry I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm leaving you because you forgot me first.
Well... love, hugs, and dynomite.
Love, Sad Day Nay.
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This is my beautiful life, the only thing certian is everything changes, the lows and the highs, and all those goodbyes, as hard as it gets I know it's still amazing, it's a beautiful life...
Quotes
"It doesn't matter that I am weak right now, all that matters is that I will become stronger."
--
"Never die alone, for there will be no one to pass your heart onto."
--
"People cannot be thought to define beauty, however. Flowers can be thought to define beauty. A person's form resembles a flower, only at the time of defeat, when it is torn to peices."
--
"It's easier to crush a dream than to realize one, forming a bond is infinitely more difficult than breaking one."
--
"I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell and I'll die by your hand which I love so well." --Shakespeare
--
"Dancing on the line between the living and the dead she hums a song her mind cannot remember and her heart cannot forget."
--
"You thought I would forget you, that you need to put your image into my brain... but the fact is, that you're name will always be carved on my heart." -J.M. Stetson
--
"No matter how many times I get hurt by because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have a thousand reasons to leave you, I'll look for one reason to fight for you."
--
"Stand in the rain, stand your ground. Stand up when it's all coming down. You stand through the pain, you won't drown. And one day what's loss can all be found, You stand in the rain."
--
"The courses of true love never did run smooth."
--
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
--
"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved. You will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it."
--
"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." -J.E. Jones
--
"I ran through out the skies, but I must awake from this sleep. For a deamon from hell, heaven can't keep."
--
"Three men and I in battle fought side by side. We slayed each others foes and never would depart. I battle alone now. Their names are my battle cry. Their memories carved on my heart."
--
"My heart was always yours to hold, but never yours to keep. You are always by my side, but never within reach."
--
Looking at you is like looking into a mirror and unfortunately, I hate what I see. I am not so narcissistic as to love my reflection, but am cruel enough to hate it."
--
"Never die alone, for there will be no one to pass your heart onto."
--
"People cannot be thought to define beauty, however. Flowers can be thought to define beauty. A person's form resembles a flower, only at the time of defeat, when it is torn to peices."
--
"It's easier to crush a dream than to realize one, forming a bond is infinitely more difficult than breaking one."
--
"I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell and I'll die by your hand which I love so well." --Shakespeare
--
"Dancing on the line between the living and the dead she hums a song her mind cannot remember and her heart cannot forget."
--
"You thought I would forget you, that you need to put your image into my brain... but the fact is, that you're name will always be carved on my heart." -J.M. Stetson
--
"No matter how many times I get hurt by because of you, I won't leave you. Because even if I have a thousand reasons to leave you, I'll look for one reason to fight for you."
--
"Stand in the rain, stand your ground. Stand up when it's all coming down. You stand through the pain, you won't drown. And one day what's loss can all be found, You stand in the rain."
--
"The courses of true love never did run smooth."
--
"Imperfection is beauty, madness is genius and it's better to be absolutely ridiculous than absolutely boring."
--
"You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved. You will never understand what pain really is until you have lost it."
--
"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." -J.E. Jones
--
"I ran through out the skies, but I must awake from this sleep. For a deamon from hell, heaven can't keep."
--
"Three men and I in battle fought side by side. We slayed each others foes and never would depart. I battle alone now. Their names are my battle cry. Their memories carved on my heart."
--
"My heart was always yours to hold, but never yours to keep. You are always by my side, but never within reach."
--
Looking at you is like looking into a mirror and unfortunately, I hate what I see. I am not so narcissistic as to love my reflection, but am cruel enough to hate it."
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Music That Doesn't Suck
4 comments:
That totally stinks about your laptop! I understand about the laptop being everything. For me, it's my telephone, my library, my connection with the USA, my entertainment, and my map to get around Shanghai. I hope that they are able to get your laptop fixed so that you don't lose all of your pictures! I love your poems. After reading your blog, I always want to write something! I can't believe that you were only in 10th grade when you wrote those! They're incredible. I love you Janaye.
P.S. I totally have experienced those people who only put up with you because your friends with someone that they are friends with. Good for you for dumping them!!!
Wow! I wish you weren't having a "Sad Day Nay"! That stinks. I am sorry about your computer, pictures, and stuff. Also, sorry about the friend. Hopefully you'll get to have a "Glad Day Nay" soon. I love you tons!
Well, I think Carissa and Christina already said everything I could think of. So . . . ditto! Sorry, I love you!
Gotta go. The boys are yelling that Joshua just went pee pee in their bath tub. LOL (Does stupid hummor bring a smile to your face cause it sure does mine!)
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