You Can't Be Friends With Everyone

One day, I was having a terrible day. So I have a friend I vent to and I told her about how I hate being me. How I hate having to put everyone else before me. I told her how I wish I could be more selfish, because to me, being too selfless is far worse than being too selfish. I told her how I can't let anybody down and how I always want to be on everyone's good side (usually). I told this friend I wish I could have a friend I could call at three in the morning that would answer instead of always being the friend called at three in the morning. I told her how I want all my friends to be happy, even if it causes me my own, which often, it does. I told her how I don't like putting the blame on others so I usually take it for myself. I wrote to her about how usually everything I want comes second to what everyone else wants. I typed to her how I wished someone could do something I wanted instead of ignoring it and covering up my dissapointment with a smile and laugh. I wrote to her how I was so sick and tired of being number two in my own life.

This friend, the one who I usually only take seriously when I vent to her and she vents to me, gave me this serious piece of advice.

This key of advice, from someone who I usually (no offence) don't take too seriously, made me really think tonight.

She told me, "You can't be friends with everyone."

I kinda sat back and in my mind said, "Well, why not?"

And that's when I realized that I guess I have to decide who's worth it and who's not. Who do I keep as a friend and fight till the death for and who I let go because I'm losing the will to fight.

It's hard. Some people that I've really relied heavily on are losing my will to fight for them. I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of trying to plan a day to do something with them and than having them bail out on me. I'm tired of putting so much of myself in others and the one minute I really need them, they're gone.

I'm losing my fight for them.

So who do I want to keep?

I want to keep the friends that know when I need a shoulder to cry on and when I need to get my butt in gear. I want to keep my friends who try as hard to be my friend as I do theirs. I want my friends to be the ones who realize when I do a great sacrifice for them and than return the sacrifice or at least realize what I did for them. I want to keep the friends who call me randomly to see how I'm doing, not just to ask for a favor. I want to keep the friends who can let me cry, who can let me complain when I usually don't and not ask me why I'm so out of character.

I guess what I'm saying is that I want to keep the friends that will fight for me too.

...

And after reading all of this, I realize I don't have as many friends worth fighting for...