I Like to Laugh

So, I've been very depressing, but, this blog is where I vent and I'm going to try to change that. Well, I like to laugh, so, here's some links to videos where my laughter is found.

Enjoy.


By: JacksFilms
Title: Your Editing Lacks Continuity
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rSnCu43QzeY&feature=channel
My Notes: I actually like a lot of JacksFilms, and this one just makes me laugh every time. :)

By: The Hillywood Show
Title: Eclipse Parody
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cue1lwqe7zQ
My Notes: Yeah, I'm the twilight hater, but this video is funny, pokes fun at twilight, and has some pretty freakin' awesome dance moves.

By: Nigahiga
Title: Word of the Day: Bromance
http://www.youtube.com/user/nigahiga#p/u/7/Uv7SUncOAAQ
My Notes: There is a reason Nigahiga is the most subscribed person on youtube.com

By: The Japanese (???)
Title: Funny Japanese Commercial
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MfzNEmqeIWo
My Notes: What the heck are the Japanese trying to sell... and what stratigy are they using that works?!

These are the only ones I can think of off the top of my head, but I will try to break up the angst with more randomness/happiness.

K, thx, bai.

Two Faced

I am tired of all this noise that doesn't do anything but frustrate me.

The noise of girls crying out for a prince without wanting to put any work into finding one. Of guys who can't pull themselves together to face themselves. I am tiered of having people that lean on me, yet having no one to return the favor.

I'm tiered of feeling left behind and useless as my guy friends serve missions. I'm tiered of going through everything alone and being so alone in everything. I smile, I laugh, I make jokes... and sometimes, I just want to drop this stupid mask of giggles and scream, scream, and scream.

I shouldn't have gotten so dependant on people who where never mine to keep anyway.

---

--

-

"Every angel has a demon,

Every coin has two sides,

And every person chooses,

Which face they show,

and which one they hide."

--J.M. Stetson

---

I hate you.

You're fake.

Flawed.

Useless.

You try to make everyone happy,

Yet only cause more pain.

I hate you.

You can only smile,

laugh,

giggle.

It's sickening,

The way you let people see you.

And I hate you.

I hate everything about you.

So flawed.

You don't even know what you want in life.

So happy.

You don't ever frown in any situation.

So fake.

Nobody sees you at your darkest point.

And therefore...

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate you.

I hate that this reflection,

Shows us what we really are.

Fake.

Flawed.

Useless.

And as I look you in the eyes,

And your eyes look yourself in the eyes,

Tell me...

If you don't like what you see,

Why don't you change us?

The answer always leaves a bitter taste in our mouth.

Because there is nothing else we could fake as well as happiness.

--J.M. Stetson

---

--

-

Obviously, I just don't like myself, yet can't find another person to be other than what I am. Someone once said, "Don't like your life? Burn it to ashes, start again." How so? With a new job? A new place? I'm not sure...

But I hope to find a way to start again soon.

Empty Screaming

I feel empty... I think now it's setting in that everyone I trusted most is gone, and now I have nobody to lean on.

I wish I could put into words what my heart is screaming at me so harshly.

---

"Everyone thinks that I have it all,
But it's so empty living behind these castle walls.
If I should tumble if I should fall,
Would anyone hear me screaming behind these castle walls?
There's no one here at all,
Behind these castle walls. "
-Christina Agulira, Castle Walls

"It's amazing to watch your life burn to ashes in front of your eyes... You don't know whether to cry at the disaster or laugh, for you where the one to set it afire." -Unknown

False Jusdgements and Harsh Critizism

Why do people find it okay to lash out on me when it's a subject they know so very freakin' little of??

Ashley, you don't know EVERYTHING that happened. Yeah, I didn't go to his farewell, but if I wasn't talking to him for over a YEAR, do you really think not talking to him for another two is going to make me go to his farewell??

We're not friends, and from the way he treated me in the past, he never was my friend. He lied, gossiped, called me horrible names, and spread rumors about me that weren't true. Why would I want to go to his farewell? Give me on freakin' good reason.

And Rachael, I don't care if he was an "original Plankwalker"... I don't even understand why you're so "upset" that he's leaving. The only time you talked of Adrian to me was to whine and complain about how he kept hitting on you or making you uncomfortable when you told him to stop. Yet now that he's leaving, it's tragic.

Why can't people see that I'm not mad at him, I just can't be his friend? I want to keep him a stranger and if you can't accept that, than ignore the topic or move on so I don't have to deal with your judging.

Who are you to tell me I'm immature? Who the HECK are you to tell me that I could've "gotten over this" if I didn't hold a grudge?! It's NOT a grudge, it's a mistake I won't make again. I won't be "friends" with someone who throws our "friendship" to the ground for any advantage he sees in it for himself. Don't even tell me how I feel (Rachael) don't tell me I'm being immature (Ashley) and don't even hold a judgement against me. I'm tiered of it and I don't deserve it from friends (Rachael) and I defiantly don't deserve it from mostly strangers. (Ashley)

To end this rant of hurt and spite, I leave you two girls with this:

Screw. You.

--

"I choose to keep you in the dark.

I choose to keep this story under wraps.

All I ask is that you keep your false judgements and harsh criticism to yourself on this subject that you know so little of.

I don't show you the light and I don't take off the bandages because I'm mature enough to keep it to myself.

Please be mature enough to shut your mouth."

--J.M. Stetson

--

Thoughts as Broken as Myself

I'm not single, but I'm not taken.

I am, simply, empty.

I hurt... mainly at night. One person used to always call me goodnight... and now... now, I bid the empty rooms goodnight. I tell my silent phone to sleep well, and I tell myself to not dream.

Dreams tend to hurt more than usual, lately.

I tend to try to forget people when I can't cope with them being gone.

Braden.

Cody.

Brandon.

Forgetting you is the most cowardly thing to do, yet it is the only way I can keep a smile on my face.

Funny, isn't it? To forget the ones that cause you happiness in order to feign your own?

As I say, in life, you build, break, and build again. It's a life long process... whether others break you or if you break yourself...

...

Brandon was able to call from the airport before he flew out to Arizona.

It hurt. It hurt so much. The way we talked of simplicity and joked around and stayed away from all serious subjects or turned them into jokes like we always do.

It hurt... gosh dang it hurt so much.

Yet, I'm so glad I answered, even though it hurt.

...

Everyone tells me I shouldn't wait, or worse, that I won't. What's so bad in wishing for a fairytale? In trying to believe in their existence?

Everyone says I should believe in "happily ever after"... so why are they discouraging me when I think I've found it?

I tell myself that when someone doubts me, I just need to put twice that amount of faith in myself.

Let's just say I have a lot of faith in myself now.

Thanks for the faith Stacey, Mom, Sjanne, and the countless others that have told me and will tell me that my fairytale ended before it began. Thanks for making me chase harder for something that is still so very far away.

...

I'm afraid to forget.

I'm afraid that I'll forget his smell, or his smile, or his laugh. I'm afraid that I won't remember his voice, or the way he talks, or the way his hand feels in mine. I'm afraid I won't remember the jokes he likes or the foods he doesn't. I'm afraid I won't fit in his arms as perfectly as I used to. I'm afraid that he won't be able to be what I call home anymore and I'm afraid that he'll end up alone and keep all his wonderfulness to himself if he doesn't end up with me. I'm not afraid of being alone, but for his sake and for some lucky girl, I hope he marries and has kids that all look like him.

Most of all, I'm afraid that when I see him and when he sees me, we won't know each other at all...

However, if that's the worst that can happen, I'm okay with that.

What's so bad about delaying (or avoiding all together...) marriage?

Or who knows, maybe I'd have him for eternity...

Maybe not.

It's all so questionable right now.

...

I don't know what I believe in, as of religion. I've grown up with a mindset that I am, no matter what I do or no matter what I have done, condemned.

Perfection will never be good enough.

...

I am afraid of change, yet afraid of staying the same... Why can't I just be in a coma for two years??

..

Red is the ultimate color of sadness... someone wise said that... I can't remember who.

...

I am made of marigolds and wormwood. In this bouquet, I hope to add daisies, if it is possible to make it so.

MY FEELINGS IN OTHERS WORDS

My heart was always her's to hold, but sadly never her's to keep..."

"Time together isn't ever quite enough, when you and I are alone, I've never felt so at home." -Owl City

I've caught your hand – I've caught you – but suddenly, somehow, everything was in the way.

"I see your face in strangers on the street, I still say your name when I'm talking in my sleep. And in the lime light, I play it off fine, but I can't handle it when I turn off my nightlight. They say that true love hurts, well this could almost kill me." -Ke$ha "The Harold Song"

"Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones, an emptiness began to grow. There's something out there, far from my home, a longing that I've never known..." -Jack from "The Nightmare Before Christmas"

"And breathing is a foreign task, and thinking is too much to ask, and you're measuring your minuets by a clock that's blinking eights." -Dashboard Confessional, The Brilliant Dance

"I'm burning and I'm blacking my lungs, but you know it feels good with fire back on your tongue." -Panic! At the Disco

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." -J.E. Jones

"The courses of true love never did run smooth." -Shakespeare

IN MY OWN WORDS...

"I ran through out the skies, But I must awake from this sleep. For a demon from hell, Heaven can't keep." -J.M. Stetson

‎"I was doing fine, I pushed your memory from my head, only to have you rammed forcefully back in. My heart once again cringed, my head once again reels, and all the hidden emotions I once again feel." -J.M. Stetson

‎"She now knows what is worse than dying, and it's being the only one left standing." -J.M. Stetson

‎"Even if I have to become your enemy, I will protect you. I will fight your battles and die for you too. You are the sun in my life. Without you, there would be no point to grace the world with my endless night. So even if you hate me and push me away, Please... just don't die." -J.M. Stetson

"We're all like a lunar phase, we all go through life long change... but what if we could stay the same? If me and you could always be this way, by my side, would you stay or go away?" -J.M. Stetson

The Brilliant Dance

"So this is odd.
The painful realization that all is gone wrong.
That nobody cares at all.
And nobody cares at all.

So you buried all your lovers cloths,
And burned the letters lover wrote,
But it doesn't make it any better,
Does it make it any better?

And the plaster dented from your fist,
In the hall where you had your first kiss,
Reminds you that the memories will fade.

So this is strange,
Our sidestepping has come to be a brilliant dance,
Where nobody leads at all.
Where nobody leads at all.

And the picture frames are facing down,
And the ringing from this empty sound,
And keeping you from sleep.

And breathing is a foreign task,
And thinking is too much to ask,
And you're measuring your minuets by a clock that's blinking eights.

Well this is incredible,
Starving insatiable,
Yes this is love for the first time,
Would you like to think that you were invincible?
Yeah, well weren't we all once before we felt lost for the first time?
Well this is the last time.
This is the last time.
This is the last time. "

--Dashboard Confessional

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2HlAAuCvlg

The Meaning of Life

One of the most sought out answers among those who still walk among us. A text message to most of my contacts in my phone brought many answers. You may choose the best among them as your own meaning of life.

42

The meaning of life is to learn that death is not the end, that we will transcend death according to how we live in life.

SEX!

Butter

Love. Finding it, what it is, and what it means to you. Loving that person, loving family, friends, and everyone. But more important... yourself.

Make people happy and have fun!!

To build, break, and build again. However, everytime you shatter, you must rebuild yourself stronger.

To do the best with the one you get! :)

To follow Gods commandments and to achieve everlasting life.

Whatever your heart wants it to be!

To make babies. Duh!

42!

Don't know... there are many reasons.

Meaning is assigned. :) There is no inherent meaning.

42

Cheese.

I would say food, haha! I'm kidding. More like family and friends.

Oh, I want to say sex. :) And if you don't like that, it can be whatever you want it to be. :)

I don't know, if I knew, I'd be happy with mine!

Siren blood curse.

To hear someone say "I love you" and mean it.